Everything you need to know!
Maybe you heard the word but were never really told what exactly it is and how to instigate it, or openly talk about it in intimate relationships. In order to ensure consent in society, more conversation, communication and understanding is needed. We know that consent means saying yes or no, but it’s not just that either, it’s deeper, and more complex and begins long before you take your clothes off.
Many people feel that open consent is important, but also a little awkward. Caroline Kellegher, lecturer in sexual health at the Department of Psychology, RCSI, says that the first step in eliminating that awkwardness is depersonalising what it means to say ‘no’ in a situation. “When you don’t get consent, there is a personalisation to it, where you feel like you’re being rejected. We have to learn that a ‘no’ is a ‘no’ to the activity.
This is why the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre recently launched its three-year campaign, We-Consent. “These are long overdue conversations really,” Caroline says. “I think most of us grew up without the skills to be able to negotiate consent or even knowing that we have the right to negotiate consent. The campaign is bringing about a cultural change. A lot of the problems are the social norms that support that kind of inappropriate behaviour.
“Sex should be something that both people enjoy and feel safe to communicate openly about. It should not be something we feel we have to do because a certain amount of time has passed or to meet an expectation we feel is there. Instead, it should be a shared experience that is fun and pleasurable for all parties.”
“Your boundaries are clearer so your willingness to accept certain behaviour changes. Having boundaries is one thing but implementing them is another. It is going to feel awkward and difficult but you need to stand up for yourself and your sexual pleasure.”
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