There are many ways parents can help kids overcome thinking “what’s wrong with me?” when they are in a moment of doubt. Parents can let kids know it's OK not to be sure.
Get specific and narrow down the area of doubt rather than seeing doubt as a sign of lack of confidence.Source: ©iStock/kali9/Used with permission, and step out with a strong stride in life into whatever it is they are pursuing—whether giving their all in a sport, speaking up against a, or giving a book report. But what happens when they don’t? How we talk to our kids when that strong stridethe foot they step out with may just matter more than how we praise them when things work out well.
Tommy, who is also a little socially anxious, did a great job talking with me through the whole session about how to handle these disruptive and unnecessary roadblocks thrown up by his OCD brain. Translating my ideas into his own terms—he said, “Oh so OCD is like that nudgy kid at school who just gets into your head saying, “why are you doing? You’d be fine with what you were doing, it’s just that kid makes you question yourself.” “Bingo,” I said.
It would save them many rides on the “what’s wrong with me, why can’t I?” loop. And instead, their reasonableness or even-handedness in the challenging moment could actually allow them to learn and potentially perform better because they are not soout thinking they have to prove themselves, or that their entire worth is riding on this very moment when it isn’t.
All kids have areas of immediate confidence and ease. It’s wonderful to see your child who is technically inclined tackling a computer problem that you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole, or to see your child singing on stage—belting it out—when you wouldn’t dare leave the stands. Psychologist Dr. Robert Brooks talks about how every child has “islands of competence,” but they might not value these unless we recognize them and consult their “expertise.
We, as parents, don’t want to promote the idea that confidence is something out there that our kids magically have to get more of. Confidence comes from within. It comes from disconnecting the links to doubt and connecting with the inner departments of wisdom, believing that it is safe to try and knowing they can mess up and learn from it, because life is a process and there’s always room to grow. That goes for parents, too.
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