'Despite the transformative power apologies hold, many of us shy away from saying “sorry”—out of fear, stubbornness, or simply because we don’t know how to repair the harm we’ve caused.'
, Howes outlines the cognitive and social barriers that make apologies difficult and offers strategies for overcoming them. She spoke withYou describe yourself as being “obsessed with apologies,” both public and private. Why do you consider apologies to be such a key component of our relationships?
I also think it’s because none of us really knows how to apologize. We want to know how; that’s part of why we watch, too. Apologies call for a continued balance between accountability and acceptance. They call for compassion for the apologizer toward their self, as well as compassion for the apologizer from the other person. It’s a dual process; it’s also a continual one.A totally botched apology can be an additional harm. But in any committed relationship, it’s almost always necessary [to try again]. People don’t know how to apologize well, and often mess up.
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