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An opinion piece urging adult children to visit their ageing parents more frequently, highlighting the loneliness of the elderly and that time is running o
A man who reached out to me recently said he is in his late sixties, has been widowed for nearly 18 years and has three children.
According to him, his children are all married. And they live in the same country with him but in different states. When he told me how lonely life has become for him, I asked how often his children visit him, and he said, “Once in a year. ”He told me that he single-handedly raised them into adulthood after their mother’s demise.
Some of us made very bold moves to be nearer home as age descended on our parents and made them vulnerable. It felt burdensome at the time, but looking back now, those sacrifices that one made towards their care are what actually give me closure about their demise, knowing that I tried my best for them, and would have done more if I could.
I came across the video of a widow who was lamenting that what makes her life less lonely these days are “other people’s children” that she helped to raise, and the families that she invested in. Because her own children do not live in the country and she has not set her eyes on some of them in three years.
How can one be so busy that they can’t afford to visit their parents once in a year, at least? I spoke to a family friend recently and asked about her daughter. She told me that they speak over the phone often, but the young lady has not visited home in a few years, upon the completion of her NYSC.
Knowing what I know now about the despondency that often descends on one when our parents are no more, I am compelled to scream at such children with these questions: What are you doing? How much time do you think your parents have left? Let’s say your parents are in their sixties and above. And you see them once in a year.
Technically, what that means is that you are lucky if you still have more than ten times to see them. Mama died in March 2022, but in January of that year, as I was set to leave for my base , she was asking me when I would be back again.
I told her, “Very soon,” even though I was wondering how “soon” that would be, because I had spent more time than my schedule permitted with them. If I knew that the next time I would see her would be “the end”, I would have stayed back till the very end and cherished every moment with her. This is the mindset with which we ought to approach being there for our parents.
Stop taking the fact that they are not going to be here forever for granted. You probably have less time than you realise with them. But you just don’t know it yet. A friend has had her mother living with her in the U.S. for some time, and she tells me how it scares her to let Mama out of her sight.
Yet, the woman is pushing to go home. I told her that she has no idea how blessed she is to come home every day and just put her head on the body that brought her into this world. An elderly lady’s comment to my post on social media reads, “The loneliness that comes with ageing is terribly frightening, even when you have a comfortable life. ”Seize the moment with them.
Don’t defer the best that you can give them today till tomorrow. That tomorrow may never come. Always remember that any moment you see them could be the last time you could see them. All rights reserved.
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