Sexual abuse left us emotional scars hard to erase —Male rape victims SundayThoughts September1st
Chocolate-skinned 37-year-old Dotun appeared graceful with his petite frame and low-cut hair pampered by curly waves. He was a bit uncomfortable at the start of an interaction with our correspondent. But he soon felt at home after a few hours to share the story of how he was abused at a young age.
The above captures the story of Dotun and other victims of rape who spoke to our correspondent. They were sexually molested before they reached adolescent age. The victims requested the protection of their identities because of discrimination. He added, “I remember the fears I had and the feelings of helplessness. My father or his wife never suspected anything. They probably thought I was just throwing childish tantrums whenever I was to be left with her. Decades down the line, I still shiver whenever I remember my helplessness with her.”Dotun linked sexual abuses of youngsters to broken homes and insensitivity by parents sometimes. He felt living in different homes was part of what exposed him to sexual molestation at a young age.
“From there, Binta became a nanny to then three-year-old me. Mum was understandably pleased with the relief the arrangement offered with me spending most of the day with Binta. I remember as a child then that her husband who I later knew to be a businessman was usually out of the house early each morning. Binta and I were usually left in the flat.
“After thinking hard, I told her of a recurring dream I used to have from age five to six years about Binta. I would dream that Binta and I were having some romantic moments. I always woke up from the dreams with exquisite sensations of pleasure coursing through my young body. He said, “I was about 8 or 9 years. I grew in one of the suburb areas in Lagos with my parents and siblings. I was molested several times and overtime I started enjoying the act. Our landlord’s daughter then aunty Adesuwa was actually responsible for the act. She has since passed.
“My mother sent me to deliver a message to a lady in a hostel. I didn’t meet the person I was to give the message to and was encouraged by her roommates to wait for her. I accepted. Unfortunately, all five girls in the room took turns raping me; they locked the door, tied me on a bunk while the abuse went on. I didn’t walk out of that room the way I came.”
Thirty-year-old Ugochi was troubled as he opened up to our correspondent about how he was also injured by a family member who came to live with them. He said they stayed together for years till she moved out of the house. “I get scared for my boys. I fear that someone somewhere might want to take advantage of them. I remember sometimes ago when my wife brought up the issue of home help. I vehemently opposed it but she couldn’t understand my reasons. It was when I disclosed my experience that she understood. She used to ask me about how I became so sexually active and vast. I only told her it’s a normal thing for guys. We never went deep into it, until I shared my experience.
“I struggled to do this but I am doing so now because it is the right thing to do, not because I want vengeance because she has passed away. May her soul rest in peace.’’ “The incident I recounted occurred from 1987-89. Paedophiles like Binta were around then and they are still around now. We should be careful who take care of our kids; male or female, as paedophiles don’t come with emblazoned warning signs. For those who have live-in nannies, it’s not a bad idea to get a spy camera to monitor their homes while away, ‘’ he added.He said, “I have some crazy sexual urge that I usually feel that maybe I was jazzed.
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