Why do we stay in relationships that don’t serve our best interests?
Dr. Monica Vermani, clinical psychologist, and author ofsays a huge part of why we stay in unhealthy relationships has to do with blueprints – learned or modelled ways of interacting, treating other people, and accepting hurtful treatment from others that stem from our childhood experiences.
Vermani says it’s not uncommon for people in toxic relationships to sympathize with their partner or abuser. “They understand where their partner’s bad behaviour comes from – often a place of trauma — and the sympathy and empathy for their partner leads to complacency, and keeps them stuck in an unhealthy, toxic relationship. in their abuse. Often the victim of abuse believes they can “fix” or “heal” their toxic partner because they alone can see good in them.
As a result, the person in a toxic relationship may feel in a constant state of stress. While it’s unrealistic to assume you should be happy all the time, Vermani says individuals should be concerned if “more days than not, one feels uneasy, sad, stressed and upset/irritable in the relationship.”Article content
Once you’ve decided to leave, Vermani says it’s important to stay firm on your decision and limit contact with the unhealthy partner. “Do what is healthy even though it feels hard. We are creatures of habit and it is hard to shift patterns we get into,” she says.Article content
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