'When we 'befriend' our emotions – acknowledge and know them – we can heed the messages they have to offer, process them, and move on.' - Sandy Clarke
When we 'befriend' our emotions – acknowledge and know them – we can heed the messages they have to offer, process them, and move on.
Perhaps this is due to the messages we receive about feelings and emotions. Generally, we’re encouraged to be stoic and to see emotions as inconvenient or something to be avoided so we won’t be seen as weak. In response, American psychologist Jonathan Shedler wrote, “Psychological perspective: This sounds more like the power of denial. Like all psychological defences, it reduces distress in the moment but comes with long-term costs. Especially when the unspoken meta message is, your negative feelings are unwelcome.”
A common expression we might find among older people is “I never needed to express my feelings and I’m doing fine”. For many, well-practised suppression and denial might give the impression that they’re “fine” but in reality they might be far from it. As I’ve said before, all emotions serve a purpose and carry important messages calling for our attention. If there’s any “weakness”, it lies in the lessons that emotions are to be ignored and that suppression is a strength. Neither of these is true or helpful.
It’s so important that we learn to overcome well-intended though misinformed ideas about our emotions. Ignoring what’s within us doesn’t make it go away, and suppressing what we feel only ends up increasing our sense of isolation.
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