In today's Ask Amy column, Amy Dickinson responds to someone who is still dealing with emotional abuse from his mother during his childhood.
When I was a child, my mother was abusive. She’d threaten to send me away ; she’d slap me across the face or hit me with a wooden spoon in a rage, and she constantly gave me the silent treatment – without explanation – sometimes for days.It wasn’t horrific child abuse – there were no physical scars – but it shaped me and I’m still angry about it.I tried to talk about it with her one time, a few years back.
She got angry, said I was exaggerating, and then blamed me for whatever had happened: “You were miserable to be around, you know.”I just want to make it clear that what happened wasn’t OK – and that these things that happened were not in my imagination.Yes – there is definitely a reason to review the events of your childhood. However, is your mother the best person to do this with? Probably not.
Therapy could help you to untangle and decode your memories of childhood. My own take is that you have been conditioned to diminish your own psychic wounds ; frankly, in addition to the physical abuse you endured, I cannot imagine a deeper cut than to threaten to send an adopted child away. I sense also that you do not want to see yourself as a victim. So let’s put you into the “survivor” category.
I think you should write down those things you would like to say to your mother, and imagine the outcome if she reacts in the expected way, and does not acknowledge or apologize for her behavior. Based on what you know about her, you may decide to send your letter, anyway – if only to have your own say regarding your past.
I urge you to seek ways to own and take pride in your ability to survive. I hope you find ways to truly thrive.or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on TwitterIf you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation.
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